Massive Doubt

Massive Doubt

Another New Studio

‘You don’t know how paralyzing it is, that stare from a blank canvas that says to the painter you can’t do anything. The canvas has an idiotic stare, and mesmerizes some painters so that they turn into idiots themselves.’

Vincent Van Gogh, letter to Theo from October 2, 1884.

‘Learn to say “Fuck You” to the world once in a while. You have every right to. Just stop thinking, worrying, […] Stop it and just

DO’

Sol leWitt, letter to Eva Hesse, April 14, 1965

The vissicitudes of April 2025 continue to exert an influence on my ability to recognise what I’m doing as having any value whatsoever. With my massive doubt I’ve spent part of the weekend reading around artists’ responses to the black dog that hangs over us all from time to time and the quotes above come from this reading courtesy of the Marginalian [https://www.themarginalian.org/]. On Friday I chanced across a friend who has a studio in the same complex as me and she expressed her post exhibition ennui and I sympathised suggesting that I had made the error of revisiting past work and found myself limited by being unable to remember, if I ever knew, why I was making this set of work. She noted that we are surely all making the same thing over and over again and that the reasons will emerge in time.

Massive Doubt

Maquette for Circus Horse (after Seurat) 2nd may 2025

I’m not sure I’m entirely convinced but it reminded me that reasons are only important when you’re trying to sell the concepts rather than exercise them.

White Horse (larger model after Uffington) 12th May 2025

The work illustrated shows the progress I’m not making and points up the amount of judgement I’m applying as I move.

Massive Doubt

Circus Horse (larger model after Seurat) 14th May 2025

So the large horse is progressing and the figure for the acrobat is made.

Circus Horse Maquette (after Seurat) 14th May 2025

Massive Doubt

Circus Horse larger model with Acrobat 16th May 2025

Massive Doubt

Circus Horse Maquette (after Seurat) with maquettes in progress 16th May 2025

Studio 19th May 2025

While I’m suffering this massive doubt and trying to find out why I’m doing this I came across this nice little presentation by David Thomas about the “circus as metaphor”

Larger Circus Horse with Acrobat 21st May 2025

The reference images have been created over several years, the original circus drawings were made in 2003/4and the A1 drawings and newer versions were made in 2021. The drawings can be seen together in this gallery.

Massive Doubt

Circus Ring Drawing 21st May 2025

I started a new cirucs ring drawing and it pointed up the limitations of the metaphor. There is no chaos in the circus but there is movement and distraction and a seeming riotous randomness that is in fact carefully choreographed. As with anything that is characterised by movement a still image can appear to suggest a lack of action.

Circus Ring Drawing 23rd May 2025

The drawing, to date, is trying to suggest a continuous movement whilst simultaneously reflecting the intended appearance of the piece as a sculpture. Scale is everything.

Large Tumbler in progress 28th May 2025

At the end of the month, while I’ve still got massive doubt, I’ve started to get the tumbler built at life size with the intention of building the complete piece – which will mean a life size horse – from styrofoam. The drawback to this is the amount of sanding required and the dust that gets everywhere while you’re sanding. I cut the basic shape with a hot wire but there is always a good deal of smoothing to be done.

Large Tumbler in Progress 30th May 2025

Drawing

I’ve continued to draw every day;

The May drawings can be seen here

and the April images here

There is a link to the previous month’s Gallery on each page.

Or you can go the Galleries page on the top menu

The drawings are posted to  Instagram each day.

MASS OBSERVATION DIARY

MASS OBSERVATION DIARY

12 May 2025

Introduction

I am a 65 year old Male, retired, and I live in Doncaster, South Yorkshire. I’m married and have siblings who live in Lancashire, close to my Mother and Germany. I worked in Further and Higher Education ending my career after a succession of jobs ass Head of Department. Since retirement I have continued to make Art because that is what I do and I have the luxury and privilege to do so.

I donate my 12th May diary to the Mass Observation Archive . I consent to it being made publicly available as part of the Archive and assign my copyright in the diary to the Mass Observation Archive Trustees so that it can be reproduced in full or in part on websites, in publications and in broadcasts as approved by the Mass Observation Trustees. I agree to the Mass Observation Archive assuming the role of Data Controller and the Archive will be responsible for the collection and processing of personal data and ensuring that such data complies with the DPA.

Mass Observation Morning

This morning I woke later than usual, at 7:45 am. This might be the single greatest benefit of retirement after twenty odd years of 6:00 am starts. I have my routine so I feed the cat whilst my wife wakes up and then shower and dress. I had toast and the last of the marmalade along with my cup of tea. I read the Guardian on my iPad and listen to 6 music on the radio. At 8:40 am, as I was late, I went into the garden to feed the birds and open the greenhouse for the day. I’m growing a lot of tomatoes this year which are still mostly seedlings and encouraging the native wildflowers in the garden alongside judiciously placed perennials. I returned to the kitchen for a second cup of tea and to do my daily drawing.

A drawing of a chopping board behind a tap made in coloured pens for the mass observation blog post

12th May Drawing ‘Chopping Board’

I have drawn sitting at the kitchen table at around 8:30 to 9:00 am since 6th May 2020, a lockdown activity that has become a ritual. The drawing is always something I can see from my seat, the sink, the dishes, the windowsill or the whole kitchen and occasionally an ornament bought to the table and placed next to me. I take between 20 and 40 minutes depending on the drawing, today’s was the short end of twenty minutes.

When I finished the drawing I left the house and walked the two and a half miles to my studio in the centre of Doncaster. I rent a unit in the former Art School that stands next to St. George’s Minster. The first I did when I arrived at 10:30 am was put the kettle on.

A model of a white horse with a truncated torus on its back for the mass observation post

Circus Horse after Seurat

Through the morning I set to work repairing a maquette for a sculpture I’m developing. One of my many freedoms now is the ability to do what I want when I want which is as much a curse as a blessing. The lack of a need to make things for exhibitions or to sell can put you in a place where where your natural dilettantism comes to the fore and you end up producing little that challenges. The solution is to try to enjoy the process of making for its own sake, well, it is for me. I stopped for lunch at 12:45 and eat a salad I bought on the way into the studio, I should really make it at home but I’m far too lazy. I usually take 30 to 45 minutes for lunch and read the paper on line while I eat. The news today centred on Kier Starmer’s determination to appeal to the lowest common denominator with an appalling assault on immigration, and therefore immigrants, with an ill thought through policy with so many holes you can only despair of the intellect of his spads and his own venality. It does not help my digestion. I have found that the only way to maintain your own equilibrium in the face of our collective exceptionalism and ignorance is to ignore. I have always voted but the last couple of times I’ve been very tempted not to. The salad, though probably unhealthy, was very nice.

Mass Observation Afternoon

In the afternoon I continued to work on a larger model of the horse. The piece combines strands of work I’ve been pursuing over the last couple of years and is impossible to articulate except through this media. The image shows the revised version sitting on a balustrade I painted for a photographer, Richard, who has the space next to mine. At a quarter to four I bumped into him while I was washing my hands, I don’t have running water in the studio and gave him the balustrade and had a chat about his studio equipment and the state of photography education. I’ve reached an age where I try not to lament but I find it hard to look backwards without rose tinted spectacles.

A model of the white horse of uffington made from polystyrene for the mass observation post

(Uffington) White Horse

As usual I left the studio at four thirty with the intention of walking home, but today it was 24 degrees C so I caught the bus. 12th of May 2025 it costs £2.50 to travel two and a half miles and you don’t even need cash, just swipe the card.

I arrived home at five to five and fed the cat before checking my greenhouse and pond and making sure things were watered after such a hot day. The soil where I live is clay so water is retained very well, too well in the winter, so only plants in pots need watering very regularly.

Mass Observation evening

My wife and I had tea at six thirty, a seasonally appropriate chicken casserole, and I read the paper while I ate and we discussed the news in a piecemeal way. These days it’s difficult to get into big discussions without getting upset with the way things are so we tend to avoid big discussions about current affairs unless we find a point of difference or one of us needs to unload.

At seven thirty I washed the dishes and we settled down to watch TV. Monday is quiz night so we watched Only Connect on BBC2 followed by University Challenge and then turned to Netflix to watch an episode of ‘The Four Seasons’ after which we retired to bed and read for a half hour or forty minutes before going to sleep. An that is my day, fairly typical and infinitely varied.

The Burial of the Dead

The Burial of the Dead

Another New Studio

‘April is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.’

TS Eliot: The Waste Land 

April has been a great big steaming waste of time. Everything I’ve tried has turned out badly and in the end I’ve had to put everything away and start again. I ended the month reading an article online that takes a very jaundiced view of the art school in the UK and is extremely difficult to argue with. 

d’Alancaisez, Pierre. ‘Art School Hotel California’. Elementy, no. 6 (2024). https://doi.org/10.52652/e.6.24.12.

The succession of photographs that follow present a view of my efforts over the month to prove to myself that I was active even though the evidence will be destroyed.

Horse Parts Template 04 April 2025

I drew out the parts on insulation foam

Horse Parts Cut Out 04 April 2025

Cut them out

Leg Parts Bandaged 09 April 2025

Wrapped them in plaster bandage – the mummification never mind the burial of the dead

Horse Body Bandaged 11 April 2025

Assembled the body, the problem is becoming more apparent I think

Horse Parts Positioned 14 April 2025

Positioned the parts, held them together with steel rod

Horse Parts Assembly 16 April 2025

Bandaged them again to hold the legas together as individual units

The burial of the dead

Horse Parts Head 18 April 2025

I’d already made the head and tail. Watched the whole piece fall apart because the joints won’t hold

Horse Parts Fixings 21 April 2025

Strengthened the joints so I could tighten them together

Horse Parts Connections 23 April 2025

Assembled the horse again and watched it collapse.

Horse Legs Remade 25 April 2025

Decided to join the two legs from each side of the horse together to see if I could build it differently

Horse legs abandoned 28 April 2025

Stopped flogging the dead horse when this failed, tidied the studio, reorganised so I could reach the blue foam.

The month wasn’t a total waste, I did this drawing at the satart of the month,

Mare and Foal 02 April 2025

and I made a small version of the horse to illustrate what I’m aiming for.

The Burial of the Dead

Circus Horse (after Seurat) 02 May 2025

Drawing

I’ve continued to draw every day;

The April drawings can be seen here

and the March images here

There is a link to the previous month’s Gallery on each page.

Or you can go the Galleries page on the top menu

The drawings are posted to  Instagram each day.