Massive Doubt

Another New Studio

‘You don’t know how paralyzing it is, that stare from a blank canvas that says to the painter you can’t do anything. The canvas has an idiotic stare, and mesmerizes some painters so that they turn into idiots themselves.’

Vincent Van Gogh, letter to Theo from October 2, 1884.

‘Learn to say “Fuck You” to the world once in a while. You have every right to. Just stop thinking, worrying, […] Stop it and just

DO’

Sol leWitt, letter to Eva Hesse, April 14, 1965

The vissicitudes of April 2025 continue to exert an influence on my ability to recognise what I’m doing as having any value whatsoever. With my massive doubt I’ve spent part of the weekend reading around artists’ responses to the black dog that hangs over us all from time to time and the quotes above come from this reading courtesy of the Marginalian [https://www.themarginalian.org/]. On Friday I chanced across a friend who has a studio in the same complex as me and she expressed her post exhibition ennui and I sympathised suggesting that I had made the error of revisiting past work and found myself limited by being unable to remember, if I ever knew, why I was making this set of work. She noted that we are surely all making the same thing over and over again and that the reasons will emerge in time.

Maquette for Circus Horse (after Seurat) 2nd may 2025

I’m not sure I’m entirely convinced but it reminded me that reasons are only important when you’re trying to sell the concepts rather than exercise them.

White Horse (larger model after Uffington) 12th May 2025

The work illustrated shows the progress I’m not making and points up the amount of judgement I’m applying as I move.

Circus Horse (larger model after Seurat) 14th May 2025

So the large horse is progressing and the figure for the acrobat is made.

Circus Horse Maquette (after Seurat) 14th May 2025

Circus Horse larger model with Acrobat 16th May 2025

Circus Horse Maquette (after Seurat) with maquettes in progress 16th May 2025

Studio 19th May 2025

While I’m suffering this massive doubt and trying to find out why I’m doing this I came across this nice little presentation by David Thomas about the “circus as metaphor”

Larger Circus Horse with Acrobat 21st May 2025

The reference images have been created over several years, the original circus drawings were made in 2003/4and the A1 drawings and newer versions were made in 2021. The drawings can be seen together in this gallery.

Circus Ring Drawing 21st May 2025

I started a new cirucs ring drawing and it pointed up the limitations of the metaphor. There is no chaos in the circus but there is movement and distraction and a seeming riotous randomness that is in fact carefully choreographed. As with anything that is characterised by movement a still image can appear to suggest a lack of action.

Circus Ring Drawing 23rd May 2025

The drawing, to date, is trying to suggest a continuous movement whilst simultaneously reflecting the intended appearance of the piece as a sculpture. Scale is everything.

Large Tumbler in progress 28th May 2025

At the end of the month, while I’ve still got massive doubt, I’ve started to get the tumbler built at life size with the intention of building the complete piece – which will mean a life size horse – from styrofoam. The drawback to this is the amount of sanding required and the dust that gets everywhere while you’re sanding. I cut the basic shape with a hot wire but there is always a good deal of smoothing to be done.

Large Tumbler in Progress 30th May 2025

Drawing

I’ve continued to draw every day;

The May drawings can be seen here

…and the April images here

There is a link to the previous month’s Gallery on each page.

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The drawings are posted to  Instagram each day.